God talked to me tonight through an old friend, giving me assurance that any single good act will not be ignored.
For some personal reasons, these days I’ve been moping. Either I felt that my good acts toward particular persons were at the end futile because those persons cut me loose from their life, or I felt that some people came back to me realizing that I was the one who cared the most in their darkest episodes but it was way too late.
I know that by principle, even my own principle, I should not ask for returns of my good acts. After all, God has returned much much more to me in any possible and imaginable forms. Yet, deep down inside I felt that I needed that recognition of the importance of my role. Even just a tiny bit.
I hate being ignored. I hate being treated as if I don’t matter. It only deepens my insecurities, that I don’t deserve to be recognized, because I don’t have the qualities to be recognized or even loved.
Until tonight, a Facebook message from an old friend arrived in my inbox. He told me he had a dream of us, having a serious discussion, like in the old times. I scolded him for having his long hair cut. He wrote that in his dream as usual I was being chatty but sincere, and he was constantly fussy but actually he’s always in panic.
He continued his message by writing that I was always kind, sincere and full of love. He reminded me of the help that I gave him a long time ago when he was at the lowest point of his life and he apologized for making me sacrifice my own need for his need. He said he learned his lesson of not giving up easily through me. He ended his message by asking when would I be back in Salatiga, because he wanted me to open his painting exhibition and he didn’t want to have it without me being there. It’s his way of expressing his gratitude.
I cried for a good full five minutes, reading his messages.
Thank you for reminding me of my significant qualities as a human being. Thank you for being the messenger of God’s voice, telling me that my good act does not go into waste. Thank you for being my beacon tonight, guiding me back to the light, instead of drowning in the dark.
PS: The picture is from him, showcasing his latest mural project for an office interior. I’m glad he finally found good friends that can help him support his living as a painter. God bless you, Idris Brandy.