He may not be the smartest. He prefers not to be athletic. He enjoys arts and music, but he doesn’t practice them. He has his ups and downs, high and low, strengths and weaknesses, preferences and perspectives. He has his own quirkiness and view points of life. He is a human being.
I may not understand him at all times. I got frustrated of not being able to know what his wishes, talents, and preferences are. I don’t follow the society’s expectations and norms in the case of him. The other times I’m too selfish and listen to myself than to him. And most of all, many times I feel and think that I’m a failure as his parent, especially when other parents proudly display the achievements of their kid(s) in social media, when he didn’t perform as well as other kids.
We may not be the best mother-son team. We don’t really display our close relationship in public. Even in private times, we don’t always agree to each other, and bicker on things that each of us believe worth bickering for. But I do believe we love each other, as mother/son and as comrades. Together we have faced the worst that a family could face. Together we have shouldered the trials of life. Together we have comforted each other in our sorrow. Together we have laughed on the silly things we did on daily basis. Together we have celebrated the day-to-day triumphs and happiness.
Happiness. That is what I wish for him forever, even when I’m gone. I want to see him happy in whatever endeavors, trials, situations, conditions of his present and future life. I want him to be able to stand on his own feet with a smile on his face and compassion toward others in his heart. Being a human being, with his ups and downs, high and low, strengths and weaknesses, preferences and perspectives, his own quirkiness and view points of life. I don’t expect him to be academically, physically, artistically superb. I only want him to be happy and to be a balanced human being.
Because I love him, yes, I love him: Jalu. No matter what. No matter what.