Making decisions

Life is a series of actions and consequences that follow them.

I remember putting that quote on the first page of my undergraduate thesis as my personal belief in 1997.

How true. How difficult to do.

As a Libran (not that I believe in astrology. If it’s good, I take the advice 😛 If not, well, throw it to the trash bin and move on…), making decisions on actions has been my greatest challenge. Should I do this or that? If I do this, what will happen? So and so. I have this habit of seeking advices from people around me and at the end of the day, after asking advices from over 10 people or more, I still come up with no decision. I also have the tendency to follow my heart, do things recklessly and regret it later. Complicated, huh?

Particularly now, when I have to make a great decision of my career, I am still not sure whether I have taken the right decision. After all I know that my dearests are not thrilled with my decision and it will put a delay on my other plan for my academic career. I admire my dearests’ wisdom to let me make the choice and face the consequences and still love me anyway at the end of the journey. But then, when you’re making a decision and it’s not satisfying your loved ones, it’s heart-breaking.

Of course, when I decide this advancement to my career, I can see that it will be glorious and challenging for me. Why, everybody likes to be in a position that enables one to make a difference and to get things done. I’ve been frustrated for a long time for not making good things happen in my office, partly because I had no power to ensure that my proposal was applied. And now the opportunity has come and of course I embrace it dearly, thinking that maybe this time I can make good things happen.

But still, the glory and the challenges will be for me. What’s left for my dearests is less time and less attention. See how selfish I am? They may be proud of my achievements, but I guess all these times, it’s always me, me, and me.

After all, I think I’m quite fixed with my decision, and all the consequences that follow it. I realize that it may be rocky, full of frustration, lots of hard work, and all those negative situations. Yet, I intend to come out of it triumphantly.

So help me God.


Author: Neny

not your typical mainstream individual. embracing all roles without being confined in one.

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